


is it like this, wretched one, you return to me?

by CadomirBane



Series: Written in the Stars [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Episode IX predictions, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Post-War, Prisoner of War, Redeemed Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-10 00:46:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15279873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CadomirBane/pseuds/CadomirBane
Summary: Ben is convicted of his war crimes against the New Republic, but Rey makes a promise to him - that one day they will be together again.





	is it like this, wretched one, you return to me?

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the English translation of the mythos of Alcyone and Ceyx, from Ovid’s "Metamorphoses."

Three years. How had it already been three years since that day?

Every morning when she woke up from her nightmares, it all felt like yesterday.

 

~

 

_ Rey held her breath as the Council of the Ten Systems stood at attention. The courtroom fell dead silent, save for the muffled sounds of the mob outside waiting to hear what would happen next. _

_ Ever since the First Order was torn apart, broken and shattered, and the galaxy left to put itself back together, everybody wanted Kylo Ren dead. Everyone except Rey, Leia, and maybe a few others if only because they didn’t want to watch Leia lose the last of her family. _

_ And Rey would be the last person to say they did not have their legitimate reasons to want him dead, either. _

_ But she knew him. She  _ knew  _ Ben. _

_ When he appeared to her months after the Battle on Crait, on his knees and half starved and completely broken, she took him in, secretly, through the Force. No one ever found out about it. It took a long time--many conversations through the Force bond, some of which ended in arguments, others in which they tested how much physical touch could travel across the galaxy. But eventually, by working together, they chipped away enough of Kylo Ren to find Ben Solo still alive underneath it all. _

_ And that was when he turned on the First Order, killed a handful of their major leaders, transmitted all the intel the Resistance needed to win the war. _

_ Now here he was, looking incredibly small and helpless with his lives in the hands of people who only saw him as the masked monster Rey met on Takodana. _

_ “Ben Organa Solo, for your crimes against the galaxy and the New Republic, and affiliation with the First Order…” _

_ Both Rey and Ben looked up. Neither of them breathed, much less moved. Both trying not to cling too tightly to that slightest beacon of hope that maybe he would be let free and they could both start figuring out how to have a new life together. But maybe it was never meant to be. _

_ “...you are hereby sentenced to ten years of hard labor on the Kessel system, and if after which your sentence is served you remain alive, you will be granted probationary freedom which will be monitored by the proper authorities.” _

_ Ben hung his head and shut his eyes tight. He clenched his fists at his sides, but no anger or rage stung the Force around him. Just a sense of defeat and emptiness, and that he deserved this. _

_ Feeling that through his own feelings made Rey want to scream and retch. _

_ She wanted to grab them, wanted to scream in their faces, wanted to beg for anything else. Yes, he had murdered and hurt so many. Kylo Ren had been a monster. But if there was one thing Rey had learned over time it was that Ben had already suffered enough under Snoke’s horrific abuse. More suffering couldn’t be the right answer. She learned that over and over during that whole wretched war. _

_ But she knew it was too late. She had already pleaded her case dozens of times to these people over the past weeks. Said everything she could possibly say to beg for Ben’s life. There was nothing left to say now. _

_      Rey held her face in her hands and began to tremble. _

_ She had been dreading and preparing for a death sentence. But this...this was almost worse. Everyone knew being sent to the Spice Mines of Kessel was a death sentence in of itself, just a prolonged one that took months, or years if the prisoner was so unlucky. At least a public execution would be swift and relatively painless. It had to be better than being worked to death, slowly but surely. Yes, this was definitely worse. _

 

~

 

Three years ago she watched them drag her lover away in heavy chains, with neither of them knowing if they would ever see each other again. Three years ago the relationship she had worked so hard at and found was worth the fight...it was all taken from her.

And three years ago, after being declared a war hero which basically granted her a hefty income for life, Rey took off into the galaxy, into the stars she had spent almost her whole life staring up at and wondering about.

She tried going into Kessel more than once. Each time was met with failure, and she was written up for trespassing. If she did that too many times there would be no chance of seeing Ben even when-- _ if _ \--he finished his ten years. On and off she wondered if it was worth breaking him out. Spending the rest of their lives as fugitives from the law. But she could not do that to him...if he got caught and sent back it would kill him for sure. And Rey could not risk getting on the law’s bad side either. Even a talk with Maz Kanata confirmed Rey’s fears about it. If Maz said it couldn’t be done, it really couldn’t be done.

 

~

 

The first time she was able to Force bond with Ben again happened about a month after his sentencing. She saw him in the barracks where the prisoners ate and slept and the sight nearly crushed her. Only a month and he already looked so worn down, like an echo of his old self.

Then Ben saw her in the Force and his eyes lit up with hope and joy. Some facial hair was starting to come in, and his face looked more hollow and sickly.

_ One month...this is what Kessel does to you after a month. How will he make it ten years?  _ Rey thought with dismay.

So she said the first thing that came to mind.

“I’ll get you out, Ben.”

“Can you?” he asked her.

“I’ll find a way. No matter what it takes,” she said, her jaw clenched.

“Don’t break me out,” he hissed. “Don’t you dare get yourself hurt or killed for me.”

“But Ben, I—-“

“You’re free. You have a life now.” He wrung his hands in front of him and his voice softened to a pleading that reminded her of the good in him that had taken him ages to reconcile with. “You need to keep it that way. Please don’t throw it all away…”

So she stuck to exploring for a while. Seeing what the galaxy had to offer. Some places she found all kinds of exciting new things to try and beautiful landscapes to see. Other places she barely escaped with her life and earned some new scar tissue as a reminder. One adventure after another without the man who promised to go with her.

 

~

 

They connected on and off again over the following weeks, usually when they both happened to be thinking of each other at the same time. As much as Rey wanted to just comfort him and reassure him it would be okay, Ben seemingly had no interest in that. Instead he only wanted to know how the Council of the Ten Systems was treating her. If she was having fun on her travels. If she kept in close contact with her friends and was making new ones.

     As if the only thing that kept him going was knowing that Rey was happy. Time and time again she always came back to telling him a whole part of her new life was missing without him. That she missed him so much she couldn’t be truly happy.

But then...it happened.

It started when one of the authorities on Kessel decided he didn’t trust Ben enough not to use his Force powers. Something Ben had sensed would happen ever since he used the Force to stop a large cart of supplies from crushing a fellow prisoner to death. He thought he was doing the right thing by saving someone but it turned out to be a horrible mistake.

The day came and Ben was issued a special collar that cut him off from the Force completely. And their bond through the Force was no more.

Rey knew exactly when it happened, and it felt like having her arm cut off. She nearly tore the ship apart she was flying in, she screamed and raged so much.

 

~

 

_ She was allowed to say goodbye before he was shipped off, which happened the following morning. Rey spent the night shaking with rage at the Council and trying to think of what Ben might need to hear the most. _

_ But when the time came, Rey found that no words were needed. She went up to him in his cell. When he looked at her she saw how scared he was. _

_ Rey just went up to him and held him. It didn’t take long for hard, heaving sobs to wrack both their bodies as they clung to each other. _

_ “The Force bond...don’t let go of it,” Rey whispered to him. “I’ll keep you strong out there.” _

_ “Rey…” _

_ “Yes, Ben?” _

_ “I...don’t want to die,” he confessed. “Not anymore.” _

 

~

 

Now, three years later, she had been so isolated from him the sense of emptiness became a normal thing.

It was late morning, Rey was disturbed by the sound of her com going off. She got up from the small grassy hill on which she had been meditating and headed towards the house.

Her home was a small cottage on Yavin 4. It was several miles from the old Rebel base which now existed as a preserved monument of the old days against the Galactic Empire. The cottage also overlooked a small beautiful lake and the mountain ranges in the distance. And of course behind it was a lush forest, and a garden that Rey had been working on the past few years.

Her old friends from the days of the war--Finn, Poe, Leia, Rose, and others--stopped by now and then to check up on her. To catch up. They were all doing pretty well. Lately Rose was trying to help her come up with a new plan on how to enter Kessel despite Maz’s warning but they were coming up short of ideas on how to beat Kessel’s heavy security.

Chewbacca would also stop by when he had new ideas of how to improve the Falcon and needed a helping hand. Rey loved working on that old ship. They also had started building a new ship entirely from scratch, but it had been sitting in her garage for months now, completely untouched.

Rey grabbed her com which she had left on the front porch and picked it up. She was startled a bit by who it was.

Leia Organa had not spoken to her in almost a year now.

“General Organa?”

_ “It’s Senator Organa now,” _ the older woman said with a small, kind smile.

“Ah...what is it?”

Her next sentence made Rey freeze.

_ “Rey...are you sitting down?” _

By command, Rey plopped down on the front steps of her porch. Before she could stop it, every possible worst case scenario flashed in her head. The First Order was back. Someone was assassinated. A Sith had been spotted. Or what if…

_ “It’s Ben. He’s…”  _ Their eyes met.  _ “They’re releasing him, Rey.” _

“I...what?  _ What _ ?” Rey nearly dropped the comlink.

_ “I’ve spent the last seven months going through appeals, coming up with every kind of deal I could. They want him under house arrest until the Council agrees he’s fit to be on his own. But...they’re letting him go.” _

Rey barely heard what Leia was saying. Her heart was pounding so hard she could not even hear herself choking back tears. Every hope she had forced herself to push down all these years, every last little dream of anything involving Ben that had been shoved away...all of it, all at once, came flooding back into her system. And her soul swelled like it was finally able to breathe after years of suffocation.

_ “Rey...because you fought in the war, technically you’re qualified to be the authority figure putting him under house arrest. So I have to ask...would you be willing to have him stay with you? I would take him if there weren’t a lot of people here in the Capitol who hate him and if I had the time to care for him--” _

“I’ll do it,” Rey said without question. “I’ll take him.”

 

~

 

She did not recognize Ben at first when he stepped out of the barracks.

Then, when she realized it was indeed him, a small cry burst out of her. Rey ran to him, tears clouding her vision. She faintly saw two guards remove his shackles as well as the collar around his neck.

“Ben... _ Ben _ !”

He looked like death.

His skin complexion had lost almost all its color, having turned a pale grayish hue. He was coated in a layer of dirt, cuts, and bruises. His black hair went just past his ears. Based on the jagged cuts on the ends and parts of his head where there were scars instead of long locks, it seemed it had been crudely cut with a knife over and over again to keep it relatively short. His facial hair grew in patches and also looked like it had been cut in the same manner. His eyes sank so deep into his face they looked hollow, like black holes. Stained, worn, dirty clothes hung in tatters over his gaunt, bony frame. It seemed there was only a tiny sliver of him left in there.

Even as he stood there, looking like he might collapse at any moment, she saw his chapped lips slowly mouth her name. And she saw the light return to his eyes. Like seeing her awoke something that been in a coma all these years.

“Rey.”

She took him in his arms, startled when she  _ felt  _ just how much weight he had lost. She had to wonder how many more weeks if not days it would have been before his body gave out. Her hands gently ran down his back and she felt dried blood on and under places where the fabric had been torn. She looked down and saw not just recent lashes on his back, but layers and layers of large, coarse scars from the guard’s whip criss-crossing each other, horrifically maiming him. It made the scar she gave him on Starkiller Base look like a paper cut in comparison.

Her stomach lurched, like she was going to be sick.

Shaking with anger, using all her will not to kill these guards right there, she carried Ben to her ship. Once inside she laid him on his side on the small bed. He didn’t make any sound, just closed his eyes, like he was finally able to relax. Rey turned to her droid companion and told it to get them off this hellhole. As she felt the ship lift off the ground she gently touched Ben’s cheek.

“We’re going home, Ben...I’m taking you home,” she whispered.

“Home…?”

“I have a house on Yavin Four. It’s beautiful there. It’ll be just you and me, just like we planned.” She wanted to cry thinking of when she had bought that house, with only the faintest hope that one day Ben would live there too. She even made sure to buy a cottage with a view of the mountain range, remembering one time Ben said how much he’d like that.

The flowers, the fresh fruits, the trees and the lake...she could finally share it with him.

He parted his lips again and spoke so faintly she almost could not hear him.

“You came back for me…”

“I was always going to. I spent all that time trying to find a way to get you out. And now you’re here…”

His eyes drifted closed. He looked so exhausted. Like he could just sleep for a month. Rey stroked a lock of hair away from his face.

“Don’t worry. It’ll be alright. You’re safe now.” She got up and began grabbing at medical supplies she knew she would need right off the bat. Of course later on he would need a full medical examination. Nausea crept back up her gut thinking of how much damage had been done to him. How long it would take him to get his health back, and not just that but what the past three years had done to his mental state. It would take months of nursing him and watching over him carefully. But she could do it. She  _ had  _ to do it. She started by grabbing a cloth and getting it damp, then cleaning his face with as much gentleness as she could. In response Ben made a small moan that sounded like relief, or just from the fact that this was the first time in years someone had touched him with love and care.

“Rey…” he whispered again.

“Yeah?”

“Did...I ever tell you that I…?”

Tears ran down her cheeks. She nodded again. With the Force finally connecting them again it was as if she knew what he was going to say before he even finished saying it.

“You did. One month before the trial, you said it for the first time. I did too.”

He shut his eyes and a tear rolled down his cheek.

“I couldn’t remember if I did or didn’t and I needed you to know…I was scared I never got to say it…”

“I know.” She put her hand over his. “I know, Ben. I love you, too. And I always will.” She gave him the slightest kiss on the forehead just before he fell asleep.


End file.
